Romantic Attraction: The Adorer vs. The Adored

Understanding Relationship Dynamics

At FrostyWave, we believe that great relationships start with understanding the dynamics that drive attraction and emotional connection.

If you're a driven, high-value man who has dedicated time and effort to achieving professional success, it’s just as important to approach your relationships with the same level of awareness and strategy.

Let’s start with a question:

Would You Prefer to Be the Adorer or the Adored One in a Relationship?

According to Dr. Orion Taraban and the Balance of Attraction Theory, two people in a relationship will never like each other exactly the same amount. One person will always feel more admiration and emotional investment than the other. This person is the adorer, while the other is the adored one.

Take a moment to reflect—which role would you prefer?

• I would like to be the adorer.

• I would like to be the adored one.

Contrary to popular belief, most people want to be the adorer. Why? Because deep emotional connection comes from actively expressing love. Meanwhile, the adored one receives admiration and affection but does not engage in the same emotionally compelling way.

While both men and women seek emotional depth in relationships, this need is especially important for women. Dr. Orion Taraban argues that relationships are more sustainable when the woman is the adorer:

"When a man looks up to a woman, she looks down on him, and this is not what women want. No little girl grows up dreaming, 'One day, I want a man I can look down on.'"

What Does It Mean for a Woman to Be the Adorer?

She admires and respects her man for his intelligence, ambition, success, and strength. She sees him as someone she can rely on, turn to for guidance, and trust to protect and care for her.

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs' Love & Respect theory further explains this dynamic:

• Men primarily seek respect and admiration.

• Women primarily seek love and emotional connection.

But why does this pattern hold true across cultures and generations? From an evolutionary perspective, women have historically shown a preference for strong, resourceful partners who could provide security and stability for their offspring.

This tendency, known as hypergamy, is widely recognized as an evolved mating strategy that historically enhanced reproductive success. While society has evolved in many ways, research suggests these patterns remain deeply ingrained in attraction today.

How to Build a Romantic, Passionate Relationship

Dr. Pat Allen and David Deida argue that romantic attraction only works when there is a clear masculine-feminine polarity:

• The woman admires and respects the man for his qualities, decisions, and actions, reinforcing the dynamic where she looks up to him.

• The man initiates, pursues, and leads the relationship—but in a way that projects confidence, rather than desperation.

When a woman is more accomplished, ambitious, or dominant than her partner, admiration often fades, and with it, attraction. It can be difficult for her to look up to a man she surpasses, and without admiration, respect and desire tend to diminish.

Conversely, when a man steps into his natural role as a leader, he inspires admiration, deepens attraction, and strengthens the bond. A woman who trusts in his direction feels safe, cherished, and emotionally fulfilled—and in return, she brings warmth, devotion, and support, making him feel respected, valued, and deeply loved.

A strong relationship flourishes when both partners embrace their unique roles and complement one another.

What’s Next?

Understanding the balance of attraction is just the beginning. In upcoming articles, we’ll explore what men truly seek in a woman and how embracing certain feminine qualities leads to deeper connection, lasting attraction, and a fulfilling partnership.

Stay tuned for more insights on building successful relationships, and be sure to follow our blog or sign up for our newsletter to receive exclusive content tailored for high-value men like you.